T'WAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRIMBLEMAS IN THE WOODLANDS

T’was the night before Crimblemas and all through the lodge
Junior Beaver was tinkering and Moe was passed out.
Their costumes lying wet on the ottoman by the fire
Kiddies hoped that the Beaver in the Man Hat would soon be there.

The Woodland babes were all tucked into their various beds
With visions of animated SPAM cans waltzing in their heads
The misses in her oversized “brumpa” and I in my Norwegian “Fiska”
Put our tired fuzz butts down for a “quickie” before snack.

Suddenly we heard the sound of silverware smashing against our house
I fell out of bed and landed on my slippers, either that or a swollen mouse?
Stumbling to the window I adjusted my under garment,
Ripped off the curtain and pushed my face through the glass no matter.

The moon was like cheese, thick and full of sodiumI couldn’t believe I was about to witness a humdrum-conundrum!
I blinked repeatedly, drooled a bit, thought for a moment I was wearing a cowl.
Then I see the villainous Dr. Pus, in a storage tote pulled by some nasty fowl.

He was maniacal, frothing and smelled like an open bowel
Transfixed, I had to pee and was ready to go in a towel.
When he opened his mouth and his goggles shot up
He pointed at each bird, passed gas, burped and threw up!

“Now Semu, now, Boris! now Yngwie and Stubbs…
On Sanchez! On Forebush! On Dander & Bishop!
To the peak of the ginger house and the base of the lodge
Move you lousy flock, otherwise I’ll replace you with shuttlecocks!”I suddenly hear them all land on the roof
It sounded like this, “BIM, BIFF, BANG, POOF!”
I turned my head like a screw or is it a shrew?
They all stood by our X-Mas tree, naked like beef stew.

He was covered in fur, goggles and drool.
He laughed and said, “Move the table, push in the stools!”
Throwing his hairy sack on the floor on my favorite braided rug
When out of the bag came radioactive glowing ladybugs!

His eyes were like laser beams, burning and red
He held out his platypus claw and it smelled like day old bread.
His duck bill was thick, dark and wetthe grossest looking thing I had seen as of yet.
Smoke rose from his body, whether it be stench or gas I can’t say
But accompanying them all was the smell of wet hay.
His shape like an eggplant, bulbous and firm
He stood their and leered, teasing me with a generous earthworm.

Fat I’d say, that’s what he was
I didn’t know whether to cry, scream or pass out!When they all drew their twig guns on me and smiled
He said, “Get ready for a nasty mash up of eggnog and bile!”
He said no more but looted my house and defecated about
There was goose poop on my feet and slime on my snout.
My eyes bugged out and my mouth was agape.
When down the chimney he came in a top hat and cape.
He was whiskery and tough, like a walnut with fur
He had a mole for a sidekick who was humming a song from Blur.
I heard the beaver clear his throat, as he exclaimed erect and proud
“Stand back Pus and evil clan, the Beaver in the Man Hat is on hand!”

BACK FROM THE LAND OF NOD

Holy Rip Van Stinkle, has it been THAT looooong since the last will power and testes mint of Moose & Chris. Wow, a lot has gone down in the past six months or so (ahem). The Paint & Pixel show was great, we met alot of new friends, handed out a lot of our character standees (destined for office cubicles EVERYWHERE!) and did some nice p.r. along the way; hope to go back next year. Chris & I were teased with the prospect of the Beaver turning into a video game, not much came form that; but the excitement and "hope" (sure it floats, like a turd!) was almost enough, aaaaaalmost.....wah!
Well, we are planning on adding some new things to the site in the next coming weeks, one being a Facebook link to our group on that site, quickly becoming the "go to" for anything, so I'd hope that you would join as we both plan on using it for all sorts of neat things. We're still in the process of making our second cd (based around the theme of an old Time Radio show) and speaking of shows, we plan on getting our fur wet in the new year with a couple more appearances at NE based shows, let's see if we can get Crooks out of his lodge this time (after his Paint & Pixel no show!). Moose is contemplating drawing some of the strip himself, more of a blackmail to get CRooks' nose to the bristol if you catch my whiff (Rob Deer). Until we can get the "button" up on the main page here is the link to our Facebook group http://www.facebook.com/groups/131426523611518/ please join up as this is a GREAT way to spread the beaver and friends/foes all over the web. I am pleased to report that our site is picking up major traffic and we are getting new readers A:: around the world, pretty exciting. Thanks for hanging with us and being patient, if I had CRooks's artistic ability I'd be hitting you folks with new strips every ten days, but I'm at the mercy of the muse, you know? Have faith, it'll be worth it, the Beaver in the Man Hat has a lot of potential (in my humble bumble predictions) and I for one am keepng the faith (and a small Lego figure that is customized to look like george Michael by my laptop) that someday, one day....what was I talking about? Thanks to all, see you in the Woodlands....and beyond.....Moose

More Beaver Exposure....

The dynamic do-overs will be crawling out of their Lodge and sharing the Beaver with any who wish to be "beavered" come April 16, 2011. The first Paint & Pixel Festival is being held in Northampton, MA; just south of the Woodlands so Moose & CRooks decided to take a field trip for the day, Saturday 10-5 PM @ the Northampton Center for the Arts (right across from the Academy of Music). We'll be giving away all kinds of Beaver related stuff, so pop by, say hello, shoot the breeze, cajole, whatever you desire...just don't stand next to our fire! Hope to see you there....
Moose
PS: In "non field trip" related news, if you wish to join the Beaver message board, just drop Moose an email and let me know that you want to join, as we get mondo-SPAM and it's too hard to differentiate between the nice folks and the egg yolks.
Ta, M-again

Long Time Know Beaver

The extemporaneous circumcisions which, ahem, arise, have risen. Crooks has finally got him Incubus-itis under control and I continue to tinker in the tink room on Beaver and editing, or as they say in Woodland Slavic, "Edahrtin." Our ever absent sketchy sketcher assures me (key word in their in ass) that he is back on schedule, as well as being in the "NY Groove," whichever that means, evidently he's got some ace up his sleeve? So, new strippage and some PH.B.I Files are coming in the next few days when our Guru-sarus slaps 'em up on Ye' Old dusty website. Thank you for checking us out, for continuing to read and email us; we enjoy all the feedback and such; check us out our Facebook group under, of course, "The Beaver in the Man Hat." So, until Crooks & Moose emerge with their SECOND cd, hang on to yourself; and of course, the beaver.
Moose

500 Beavers descend upon San Diego Comic Con

Er, well, I'm sure there will be more than 500, literally; but in terms of our wicked awesome promotional fliers whipped up by the coolest whipper of them all: CRooks; a stunning swipe of a classic comic book cover that I'm sure will have some of you saying, "Holy beaver Batman!" Please see the great work that CRooks has done once more from his humble chair in the hills of the Woodlands. Thanks also to my friend Mr. Murphy who will be dropping said fliers at the SDCC for us, thus ensuring that our beaver spreads, yes, yes indeed...I can just hear the maniacal laughter of that saucy, acrid Dr. Pus now...."Bwa-ha, bwa-ha, bwa-ha ha ha ha ha ha..." Until the next color upload, make yours beaver.
Forever and emotively, M

THE MOOSE & MAZZ SHOW

MOOSE MATTSON IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE HIS FORAY WITH MAZZ (THE ARTIST FORMER LEE WAMER-ED AS) INTO THE WORLD OF RADIO BROADCASTING WITH THEIR NEW SHOW, TUES & SAT 4-6 PM & 8-10 PM ON WMCBLP 107.9 GREENFIELD, IN ADDITION TO PLAYING THE SOUNDS THAT INSPIRE MOOSE WHILE HE IS WORKING ON THE BEAVER, WE ALSO EXPLORE OTHER POP CULTURE CORNERS AND EVEN SNEAK IN A LIL' BEAVER PROMOTION NOW & THEN. SO, IF YOUR CHORD'LL REACH, OR AT THE VERY LEAST YOUR EARS, GIVE A LISTEN, EH? WE'LL BE SCREAMING, ER, I MEAN STREAMING SOON...."WE'D LOVE TO TURN YOU ON, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T TURN US OFF!"
M

THE PUMP DON'T WORK 'CAUSE THE VANDALS TOOK THE HANDLE

SEEMS OUR RESIDENT GROUNDHOG, CROOKSIE DID IN FACT SEE HIS SHADOW & THUS HAD TO SPEND MORE TIME THAN USUAL HUDDLED IN A BALL IN THE CORNER OF HIS WORK STATION, JITTERING IN BEAVER WITHDRAWL BEHIND THE WARMTH OF HIS MAC. NEEDLES TOUCHE THE BEAVER HAS ENJOYED SOME NEW EXPOSURE THANKS TO OUR FRIENDS (HI ERIK!) AT THE COMICONN (WHICH WAS RECENTLY SOLD TO THAT DASTARDLY DEVILISH GAREB SHAMUS-AKA THE WICKED YOUNG MAN), WE WERE TARDY IN EXPRESSING OUR GLANDS IN INTEREST TOWARD ATTENDING BUT WERE ABLE TO STUFF THE GOODIE BAGS WITH OUR PROMO POSTCARDS...BOO YEAH! WE WARNED YOU THAT THE RIDE WOULD BE BUMPY; WITHIN THE NEXT TWENTY DAYS YOU'LL SEE THE THIRD, COLOR DOUBLE DECKER STRIP & CROOKS WILL SHOW ALL HOS TO GIT ER DONE, DIDNEY STYLE. JUST A QUICKIE TO THANK ONE & ALL FOR THEIR INTEREST, PATIENCE, & (HOPEFULLY) SUPPORT IN SHARING OUR BEAVER WITH YOUR FIRENDS, 'MEMBER THE OLD AZTEC SAYING, ME CASA BEAVA, SUE CASA BEAVA...HOLD ON TIGHT TO YOUR CHIMICHANGAS!
OHDELAY!
M